So that's why I don't like Tom Jones!

Here's my new favorite example of free speech. This made me laugh way too hard. In other news, happy 2nd Anniversary to Marc and Becky Chapman!!

Intergalactic academic says Martians and aboriginal earthlings mated to create Asian race
By Maggie Grainger
September 4, 2006

San Diego--Pluto may have been officially demoted as a planet, but that doesn’t seem to have the rest of the galaxy in a tizzy.

Yep, that’s right, we’re not alone in the universe – or at least that’s what the students and teachers at the Unarius Academy of Science in El Cajon want the world to know.

Professor and web master David Reynolds says Pluto was never recognized as a planet in the intergalactic council anyways and that we should be focusing our energy on the aliens closer to home.

Aliens are among us – Martians to be exact – and they are roaming the earth right now -- although you wouldn’t necessarily be able to spot one because, well, because they’re Asian.

Yep, you read right. Asians are Martians or vice versa.

According to Reynolds, the Asian race is a result of Martian and aboriginal Earthlings interbreeding more than half a million years ago.

Reynolds says the Martians came to Earth long ago with the intent to colonize and relocate from their home on Mars, but were confronted by the angry aboriginal earthlings in the Gobi desert before they could stake their claim.

The earthlings were too much for the Martians to handle and, although they had more advanced ray guns, the Martians ended up surrendering because they don’t believe in war.

“They knew if they (the Martians) shot, it would set back their own spiritual plan,” Reynolds explained.

Eventually the Martians and Aboriginals started getting busy together and over the years the offspring turned into today’s vast Asian population.

Reynolds says pure blood Martians are still on Mars waiting for the right time to make themselves known to the human race.

“They don’t want us snooping around,” he said. “They’ve camouflaged the openings on the surface because they don’t want to be bothered.”

Instead, they are hard at work advancing their own race and have tried to make contact with Earthlings for centuries now but are afraid of getting shot once they enter the Earth’s atmosphere.

Reynolds says the government knows that the Martians have been trying to make contact but want to keep it a secret because it would “cause people to not have a spiritual foundation” and throw everything into chaos.

Martians aren’t the only ones trying to make contact, there are more than 30 other planets composed of “aliens that look like you and me” in the “Confederation” that want to make contact but are too advanced for the human race to understand.

Instead, they are waiting for us to catch up both technologically and spiritually before they make their presence known to everyone.

“Right now we are too hostile a race,” Reynolds points out. “We need to be open to our ‘space brothers’ who know we are going through a painful transition right now.”
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Maggie Grainger is a Vyuz staff writer.